What Does it Mean

For the past few days I’ve had this thought in my head:
What does it mean to put God number one in my life?

Up until I don’t know…maybe a month ago I thought I knew. I thought I had the answer to that. I thought I knew what it meant to completely trust God with my life. But, then a month ago everything changed.

Now, there have been times I’m my life that change has come knocking on my door with news I haven’t wanted- my position was eliminated from a company I had a 10+ year relationship with-and then as a result of the lay off – a bankruptcy; my mom got a diagnosis and was given approximately 2 years to live (that was 5 years ago – her last updates indicate she’s stable); a guy I thought I was dating (because we sure weren’t having sex – I deeply believe that marriage comes first) text to tell me he’d gotten married (before you judge me for not seeing it coming – extend Grace, most all of us have relationship scars – we’d known each other 5 years); and then realizing that in the midst of trying to cope…trying to just not drown…just trying to survive and breathe….I’d gained almost half of the weight back I’d worked so hard to let go of.

That’s change. That’s the bad kind. That’s the kind of change hurts, that makes you wanna curl in ball and not get up. That kind of change makes you feel beat up and bullied by life, it drives you to your knees. You don’t cry out to God you whimper, sob and blubber. You are miserable, burdened, grieved and the pain, insecurity and brutality of life is relentless.

In those moments, when you are fully aware that you have no-thing, that you are no one, and that strength, self-confidence and self-reliance are fragile fickle things, you learn all that it means to fully rely on God. It’s easy in those times to put God #1.

In fact in those times, it may not be exactly easy – but it at least kinda oh-duh what else is there to do? Where else do we go? How else can we even survive through the next breath….

…and then it’s over. Time moves on. You learn to cope on a smaller income, you prioritize your spending, and if you’re really smart you take Dave Ramseys Financial Freedom University. You heal. Prognosis gets better – or at least stable. You find a better job. You’ve got more income. You kick your own butt – get serious and get you eating habits whipped back what they should’ve always been. …and if you’re very very lucky extremely blessed you meet that special someone. You know THAT someone. The one who causes you’re heart to skip beats. The one that makes stars twinkle in your eyes. The one that you find yourself waking up at 3am to find yourself talking to…because he’s half a world away, because his nights are your days and your days are his nights, because you KNOW without any doubt he’s in your future (both literally & figuratively – ya know the international dateline and all…).

…and life brings more changed.

Only this time it’s good changed. It’s the kind that makes you feel like you can fly – under your own power, no plane needed. It’s the kind of change that pulls the best out of you…it takes all your hopes and dreams; all your prayers and turns them into reality. It’s the kinda of change that makes you feel totally self-sufficient and fully able to take on the world. …but wait, we no longer self-reliant, we’re God-reliant. And now….

Now that life is so good, now that tomorrow has so many promises, now that forever is just beginning…now…What does it mean to put God number one in my life?

How does God being number one impact my life now-our life later, my relationship-this relationship…for years I told God I wasn’t willing to have any man in my life that didn’t put God first (because if God’s first, then everything else will be in proper order) and now….I’ve found him…or rather God found him for me.

The way I see it God is the ultimate matchmaker (He approved the Song of Solomon didn’t He?); He wants us to cooperate with Him as He writes our love story.

So now, again – in a new fresh way – I’m asking myself –
What does it mean to put God number one in my life?

(Because I know, no matter what happens next I’m not self-reliant; I’m God-reliant!?!?!)

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